Happiness doubts

My first blog of 2016. If I were still working at GSK I would have been sacked already for not meeting my first quarter objective.  My blogs have been few and far between these months, but already 2016 is a year of great change. And I may not have been blogging, but my happiness project is still firmly in my mind.  I have finished more than a quarter of my ultimate to do list, focussing on some very difficult ones that are now done. And some promises I made to myself, regarding sleep, running and phone are more or less there. Of course, I can do more. We all can.

But of late, I have been thinking long and deep about happiness, and as a scientist, I have  massive issue with this. Just like I would be worried, in the lab, working on a project regarding pain, I find happiness a very abstract notion. There is no easy biochemical marker for happiness, how do we really know we are happy? Maybe, for example, I consider myself as happy, but maybe its all rubbish and in relation to others I am as miserable as they get? How do I know. When you tell me you're happy, how does that compare to me?  How can happiness be standardised? These thoughts have come into my mind a fair bit the last few months, but I have had to quickly banish them away.  Afterall, one of the key happiness hurdles is not to compare yourself to others.  Even the happiest people I know have their moments of doom and gloom.  Right now, sitting in my computer, I want to quantify my happiness, but I have no idea how to? 


According to the University of Stamford, you can quantify your happiness by two measures. Your state of mind and how well your life is going. The first concept, I find hard to answer, how happy is the state of mind.  Surely, you can say you're happy, you can convince others you are, but really are you? How do you know you really are?  How well your life is going is also an abstract concept, you start to compare yourself there, and that is a nono. 

So despite the demons, that I have yet to figure out how to solve,  my happiness project is still alive and running. Because it surely does more good than harm to be thinking carefully about my happiness and wellbeing.  So the blogs are back, especially now things have calmed down around me, so watch this space.

The Slippery Slope

Yes... my next few blogs are all going to be doom and gloom, some harsh realities about happiness. Last blog I touched on genetics, how you may actually be genetically incapable of being happy, there are real genes out there that are associated with happiness. This blog, lets face it, happiness is on the decline.

Life has gotten easier. Tasks that took us a whole day 50 years ago, now take us an hour at most. Think of the laundry, communicating with people, technology has enabled us to make things faster and quicker with little input from us.  Communication is key to happiness, friends and family makes us happy. Right now, I am sitting at the gymnasium waiting for my daughter to finish her gym class. Every single parent, albeit two (who are actually talking to each other) is plugged into an electronic devise of some sort. Including me.  But our addictions to WhatsApp and Facebook aren't making us happy, studies are all there to prove it.  We are becoming more and more miserable as a nation. You don't need the studies, ask any GP what they see coming into their surgeries. Depression is on the increase, more and more people are pill popping to keep them in some sort of meta-happy state.  Although life is technically easier, its not.

Never ever has more ever been expected from us as individuals and collectively as a society. Our every minutes have to be filled with some task. Yes, I have a spare 5 minutes, lets respond to emails, let me do my Sainsburys shopping, let me order a new door handle....  The definition of success:  money and power no longer works for us. Its exhausting us and making us more and more unhappy.  Who defined this success anyway? We all fight it amongst ourselves for the next promotion and the next better paid job. I am a complex being, surely my success is based on so much more than my work?


I have no solutions. I am still figuring this out for myself. But sometimes we need to slow down and almost stop. I am a hypocrite, I never slow down and never stop. Like one student once said to me "I'll rest when I die". But the problem is, if I don't rest, that route to death is going to be a very painful one.

sleep

Sleep. The new buzz word. I hear it everywhere these days.  Bhutan has now declared itself a happier nation. Why is that? The Prime Minister claims it’s because its citizens are sleeping more. In fact 91.2% of Bhutanese citizens have declared themselves happy.  Funnily, those who are happiest are the monks. Probably because they never marry.  

The sleep connection to happiness goes further. Shocking. 23% of married couples do not share the same bed. But these couples claim that this is the key to their successful happy. And why? Because you get a good nights sleep. The tossing and turning (or even snoring) of a partner beside you disrupts the quality of your sleep. More and more of my married friends in my circles admit this.  I’m a bit selfish; I get the bed to myself anyway.  So now, instead of staying up all night finishing off your jobs, leave it all and get to bed. And its uninterrupted sleep that’s the key.

I feel quite naïve reading all this.  In my very first blogs I spoke about my changes to become a happier person, and I thought my 8 hours a night was ridiculous and I needed less sleep. If you’ve been following my blog, you realise I did a u-turn, and I realised how non functional I was on 6 hours sleep. I agree, sleep is necessary and key to a happy life.  But its scientific attributes are only beginning to become evident, the realities of actually how a lack of sleep is hurting us, even killing us.  It makes us more stressed, irritable, on a physiological level, it increases blood pressure, depression, muscular aches, obesity, headaches. So grab a pillow and a blanket and take a snooze – it will only make you happier.

Chasing Happiness

And so my pursuit continues. I purposely chose my bucket list to be as diverse as possible giving me the chance to sample new things that might add some happiness in my life. I was very surprised that my "learn a new musical instrument" one is the one so far that gives me so much happiness. Even when I am feeling down and annoyed, I pick up my instrument and all of a sudden all is forgotten. The morale - try something new and wacky - you never know to which mental state of mind it might take you.

There has been articles this week specifically about the happiness trail and pursuit.  I think I may have eluded to this in a previous blog, but the more you chase happiness, the more it runs away from you.  I read the article. I re-read it. I can't say I totally agree with it....

Chasing happiness. Wanting to be happy. What does that mean? Does that mean I am always happy? Am I not allowed to be sad at all?  If you think this, then the happiness project is doom. Part of being happy is also being sad. After sadness, you know what true happiness is.  If you are looking for the ideal life, then you are up for a disappointment, because life is a journey. And happiness is a journey too.  Chasing happiness means chasing sadness and disappointment too.  The happiness project was never intended so that I am happy ALL the time, its just a means to make me more aware of myself and my own mental state of mind. If you accept this, then go on, chase your happiness rainbow, and don't let those miserable journalists get you down :-)

One Year On....

I'm back from a summer of fun and frolic.... and its also one year since starting my blog. So I dedicate this blog entry to reviewing the happiness project, now I have a more comprehensive overview of it.

The question I get asked, Am I Happier?  Yes, I certainly am. The very notion of writing a blog on happiness, thinking constantly about my happiness and well being automatically makes me happier. Yes, I have my down moments, we all do. That's ok, we are allowed to have those. Sometimes those down moments result in a friend reaching out, or ends in a happy memory. Seldom to sad memories remain like that. 

The blog has forced me to look into happiness at depth; to look at studies that are published in peer reviewed journals, at personal entries from people, scathe through newspapers clippings. There is one thing to be send, being happy is certainly a very popular item of study. But with one fundamental flaw, there is no measure of happiness.

Reviewing my own progress, the ultimate to do list, the vision board and the blog its self have been very positive. I would certainly recommend them. However, there is one thing that I am sure is hindering my happiness, and that is my smart phone.  My constant need to check my phone and be permanently connected to my emails..... this is something only I can sort out with my own willpower.

So I go in full circle, one of my first happiness endeavours 1 year ago was to drop the smartphone and still I haven't been able to.  This is something that I am working on. And whilst my daughter of 8 has now completed 40% of her to do list, I have only completed only 17% of it. That is something I need to work towards.

Keep reading, I will keep updating you with new pieces of research that I stumble upon, thank you to family and friends for forwarding articles, quotes, pictures relating to happiness, and keep them coming.

character happy

There are 24 strengths of character, I'll list them all. Maybe you can identify with all of them to some extent, maybe you can identify with some more strongly than others. But take a good look... your strength of character will reveal alot about yourself...

1. Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence - Noticing and appreciating the beauty around you, whether it be art, nature or mathematics
2. Bravery - Speaking up for what is right, even if you're the only one speaking! Also includes physical bravery
3. Citizenship - Working with the team or community, being loyal to that team or community
4. Creativity - Coming up with new ways to do things, not only artistic
5. Curiosity - Finding everything interesting, love exploring
6. Fairness - Treating everyone the same, trying to overcome personal bias to ensure everyone is treated equally
7. Forgiveness and Mercy - Forgiving those who have done you wrong, giving people a second chance
8. Gratitude - Being aware and thankful for what you have and taking time to express thanks
9. Hope - Working towards the future, and believing that working hard can change it
10. Humour - Liking to laugh and tease, bringing smiles to other people, lightheartedness
11. Integrity - Speaking the truth, presenting yourself in an honest and open way, take responsibility for your actions
12. Judgement - Thinking things through, not jumping to conclusions, able to change your mind in light of evidence
13. Kindness - Doing good deeds for others and helping them. Taking care
14. Leadership - Getting a group together to get things done, organising group activities and make sure they are done
15. Love - Being close to people, value close relationships with others
16. Love of Learning - Mastering new skills, adding to what you know
17. Modesty and Humility - Letting ones accomplishments speak for them self, not wanting to get into the spotlight
18. Persistence - Taking pleasure in completing tasks, finishing what you set off to start
19. Perspective - Being able to provide wise counsel to others
20. Prudence - Being careful about your choices, not taking risks
21. Self Regulation - Controlling emotions, being disciplined
22. Social Intelligence - Being aware of the motives of other people, how to fit into different social situations
23. Spirituality - Have strong feelings about the meaning of life and purpose that shapes conduct and provides comfort
24. Zest - Approaching life with excitement and energy, never doing things half heartedly, feeling activated and alive

I'll be honest, there are several of these characters that I cannot relate to at all, or very little, and others that more strongly resonate with me. Conversely, there are characters that others may see in me and I do not see in myself and vice versa.

So what has this got to do with my happiness project?  There are 2 character strengths that resonate strongly with happiness, hope and zest.  With some character traits, having too much of a character can start to be detrimental, like loving too much starts to become a negative. But not with happiness, you can have oodles of hope and zest and the happiness will just increase.

There are other traits that are more weakly associated with happiness; gratitude, love and curiosity, but its hope and zest that really stand out.

So flipping the coin... are there traits that lead to "less happiness"? Yes there are: Modesty, Creativity, Judgement, Appreciation of Beauty, Love of learning and Prudence.

There are several studies that have lead to these conclusions, so its real.  My philosophy is to focus on the positives, if you want to have more happiness, focus on the hope and zest. And with that, I'm parachuting off a cliff edge, and hoping I won't die.

happy happy birthdays

Birthdays are over rated. That is the biggest conclusion reached for 2015. I always have such high expectations for my birthday, that it will be an ace day. And those around me try, they really do. But always, year on year, around that time, unexpected things happen out of my control that makes it suck.

So it took me a while to order my thoughts after my birthday to get writing again and to blog about it.  My birthday should make me happy. But it didn't.. and if I reflect, it rarely ever does. Is it because I need to try harder? Or is it because I need to face facts, birthdays do not equate happiness.

This notion got me thinking more, so many people around me do things because they think it makes them happy, but it ultimately does not. I see families going on family holidays so we bond better... and they all come back miserable. I see friends rushing round to pack their kids weekends with activities, but the kids are then knackered and moan all evening making everyone miserable.  I see big weddings, everyone getting stressed, this is "supposed to make us happy", but the result, everyone has fallen out and barely speaking to each other on the big day.  We look around us when seeking happiness, seeing what makes others happy and we start to imitate in the hope that this will fulfil our happiness.  That's ok, we only know and learn if we try. However we have to get to a point where we admit to ourselves some of things we are doing are not making us happy any longer, and to move on.  So part of the happiness project really is digging deep and admitting, birthdays might make some people happy, and might be the nicest days of the year for some, but not for me.

hardwiring happiness

My happiness pursuit has been struggling of late. I need to get back on top of my ultimate to do list as I haven't made much progress there, so that is a task I have set myself for the upcoming weekend. My positive thinking has been shaken a little of late, but still the epiphany is firmly in place - you have the power to change yourself, so to change your circumstance.

But with this notion, I have realised that there is one large obstacle in all this - habits. We are all hardwired to do the same mundane tasks over and over again - most of us without thinking about them. If I think of myself - wake up, check phone; thinking hard - bite my nails; religiously clean the sink after washing up... Actually, when sitting down and actually thinking hard what your habits are - its hard to actually remember what they are.  I do think its the habits we hold that prevent us reaching happiness... but only if you realise what they are.

So to give myself some inspiration, I turned to my good old friend google and wanted to see what other peoples habits are so I can identify my own. Chocolate, salt, binging - for me all conquered. Spending money, facebook and the gym - irrelevant. No help what so ever, but I did find a lovely website of the 20 habits of happy people, and I thought perfect for my blog. Here it goes - if you want to be happy, follow these 20 habits:
1) Give to others
2) Nurture important relationships
3) love yourself
4) make a difference - do not make yourself popular
5) learn to say no
6) count your blessings - even when times are tough (it could be worse)
7) cultivate optimism
8)  be a humble life long learner
9) find ways to cope when times get tough
10) rejection is a protection from whats not meant to be
11) don't get embroiled in others pettiness
12) focus on the present
13) follow your dreams
14) prioritise - and stick to whats important
15) struggle - because it makes you stronger
16) take care of your physical health
17) spend money on experiences not material items
18) savour all your little joys
19) accept changes outside your control - some things are not meant to last
20) live the life you want to live

Upon reading that, I thought hey, I'm not doing so bad, I probably have touched on most of these topics in my blogs.  Instead of focussing on all your bad habits and trying to improve those, why not focus on your good habits and make sure you are living them everyday?

Taking Charge

My last blog played heavily on my mind this week. There are always individuals in your locality who are determined to put a dampener on your good fortune, mood or situation.  And this has really bothered me. In fact, I can go as far as saying that this is the biggest obstacle I am facing with my happiness project.

Now those who know me know that I am pretty focused and determined person, and so I put my mind into finding a solution to this. Surely I am not the only person who experiences this, and I started a comprehensive search of peoples experiences and thoughts.  Then I had the epiphany....

The only thing standing between me and my happiness project is just me. People will talk and bitch, but whether it upsets me or not is really my own fault. In every situation, I have a choice. I can choose to experience it negatively, or positively, or just ignore it altogether.  So people upsetting me is really my own fault, I am letting them. 

In your mind, nothing is impossible. You can achieve whatever you want, whether it be loose weight, a physical challenge, complete a difficult piece of work. I know I have taken my body and mind to extremes, and I can achieve more. The only thing that stops me is my own self telling me I can't.

Freeing your mind and taking charge of your fate is liberating. You can be physically restrained in your environment or limited, however nobody has any control over your mind, your feelings and your thoughts - in this realm, you are king. And this was my epiphany, I can train myself to react how I wish. 

Since my epiphany, I must say I have let alot of comments and situations just completely wash over me.  So the next challenge, can I sustain it?

International Day of Happiness

Tomorrow is the International Day of Happiness. Spring equinox, super moon, solar eclipse, its all happening tomorrow but its officially a time to think about happiness. I came to know about this on radio 4 this week, and the first thing that radio 4 did was compile a play list of songs to make us happy. If only they know... music whether it be happy or sad always makes people happy - its scientifically proven.

The happiness movement intrigued me so I wanted to find out what International Happiness Day is all about.  Although they give guidance to happiness, I was struck how happiness really centred around people and community. I think I addressed this before, I am an extrovert, I like people, I need people to make me happy.  But it seems we all need people to be happy. So the site suggests organising happiness flash mobs and happy spots in big cities around the work. Apparently, London, Amsterdam, Bucharest, Milan and Washington DC are all doing it. No sign of Cambridge. I was actually more intrigued in the term "happiness flash mob". I only came to know what a flash mob is recently when I went to see Nativity 3: Dude wheres my donkey last Christmas with my daughter, and it was all about flash mobs (sigh). So a happiness one is where you just agree to meet somewhere with hand written placards that may make passersby happy to inject a bit of happiness in peoples lives. Hmmmmmmmm....

Not sure what to make of it, but community features quite heavily in my own happiness endeavours. Making effort with friends and family, having people over for dinner more, making an effort with neighbours, volunteering are all pledges and aims I personally set for myself and it is important, because helping others makes us feel good about ourselves and happy.  I, on the other hand, am setting up my own one man happiness flash mob in market square on Saturday, at least when the men in white coats take me away, I will be happy.

The Age of Happiness

Making more of an effort, how am I getting on?  I can start seeing some sense in my new vision board, and doing well with my ultimate to do list with now 2 of the 40 items complete - as of last week, our home is now salt free.  Only 38 more tasks to go, but I do have several years to do it.

I began to wonder when happiness peaks on ones life and what are the measures of happiness at each stage in your life. As I was considering this, I thought it surely must be post retirement - when life has calmed down, you've learnt from mistakes and your financial burdens are over...

Oh was I wrong. Apparently, you are at the pinnacle of your happiness at the tender age of 34. The reason, its the age you marry, have children, get onto the property ladder, are comfortable meeting monthly repayments and are making decent strides in your career.  Yes, I can relate to that, but surely the goal posts for happiness move in different stages of your life? Surely at university, where life was carefree and one big party, that was happy? The flaw with this study is that they asked a bunch of over 40s and when trying to recall the happiest moments of my life, our minds always take us back to times when we were much happier THEN than now.  There is a certain degree of reminiscing about the past, and I guess if that's a human tendency - you can't really ask a dead person when they were most happiest.

I looked into more studies, and actually found that there is no magic age of happiness, at different stages of life there are elements of happiness.  So goal posts move, and that got me thinking more about my happiness project and the goals I've set - well they can move too surely with time? We change and evolve and its ok to decide that certain tasks are no longer making us happy?  So a key aspect of any happiness endeavour is to review and replace, and that's ok because it confirms you are still human and you are moving on.

Alone and Happy

Boohoo, I fail. I haven't blog for an age, and I only have myself and my laziness to blame for that. However, in the background I have been busy burrowing away at my happiness endeavours.  My pledges, how am I getting along with that?  I still fiddle too much with my phone - so I fail. I am probably sleeping more than I did before due to my extra long commute to work - so I fail again.  The chocolate I did reduce, binged again, but how am following the British Heart Foundations DeChox, and feeling fab - so one up for me.  To do lists - hmmm I seem to forget, but when I remember it does make me feel great. Being kind to others - certainly I do that more these days, so that's another one for me. Generally I think most people are beginning to feel happier as its heading towards spring, life evident poking from the ground and we are nearing the 13.9 degrees - the magic temperature. In addition, I have ticked off one thing on my ultimate to do list (40 things to do before I am 40) and got a full body massage, so although there is an absence online, happiness is very much on my radar.

It does bother me though as I was flicking through the happiness database about whether being married or single makes me happier that studies almost unanimously show that being married makes you happier. I tend to disagree on that notion for myself having sat on both sides of that fence.  I also wonder about my situation as a lone parent and look at the tiny blessings my daughter brings into my life and wonder if its her that makes me happier.  For those lone mothers reading this, being alone looking after children is certainly a challenge, and the sense of responsibility immense. However, I did find a study which addresses that and children do make single mothers happier than their childless counterparts.  It does acknowledge the challenges that lone parents face, but when a parent is alone with a child, that child becomes a focal point in the parents life. I can relate to that.

But although being a single parent makes you happy, and it makes me very happy, I know that I am faced with the stigma from society that brings me great unhappiness. The pity, or stereotypes I get from those around me, whether I know them or not doesn't just make me unhappy, it makes me furious.  The sympathetic looks of "there there, you'll find someone soon" enrages me, but it also saddens me and makes me think why do people say that? Is it envy? Or is it because marriage or cohabitation makes them happier?  And surely with the array of families now emerging in the 21st century, a single parent is quite tame?  I'll end it there before I keep ranting on and this turns from a happiness blog to a vent it out blog, and I guess I won't change society or how others see me. All I can do is have the confidence to just be me.

If you're happy and you know it....

Another week has flown by. I am now surrounding myself with happiness triggers and reminders. My new vision board is up, the ultimate to do list is written, and I have my smaller pledges, some of which I am doing better than others. The key to happiness is really dissecting your life into various segments - relationships, work, home, family, friends etc.. and to find a bit of happiness triggers in each to keep things in perspective.  I have touched on this in previous blogs, and I have been trying to fill my life with these triggers in all aspects.  And in particular, I feel work is an important one to stay happy in. Its where many of us spend most of our waking day, and being fufilled, forming friendships and feeling appreciated are all important in making our work day happier.

I am not much of a tv watcher. I am, however, an avid radio listener and devoted newspaper skimmer. It was during one of my skimming sessions that I came across an article about happiness that caught my eye. Hitachi  have a new wireless device that it gives to employees to wear and it measures their happiness.  Wanna see it? Here is it




Of course my first question was what are the happiness metrics? So many articles have been written on happiness and how to measure it and its a very difficult abstract measure that really only way to measure happiness is to ask people.  I was extremely curious how this abstract measure is now biometric, however Hitach will not disclose its secret. Apparently it records 50 data points per second all focussed around walking, talking, typing and nodding. And managers can see in real time how happy the staff are (erm... I can think of ONE manager who really needs to know this, not naming names).  Hitachi are actually going to sell this onto other employers, I wonder if it will take off?  So if you're happy and you know it... its likely your boss knew it first.


 

The Ultimate To Do List

I blogged a few months back about to do lists, and how it was something that made me really happy. I get great satisfaction ticking off things I have finished off - I am a finisher.  It was then that I got inspiration from my sister, a list of tasks that she would set herself, not boring household chores that I had on my to do list, she has swanky sexy stuff like buy a leather jacket and tell someone what you really think of them, and she gave herself a year to do them.

I saw her list and thought to myself "yes, I would like to do that" a sexy swanky list that I could acheieve, so here it is, my 40 things to do before I am 40.

Yes, I know I have maaaany years to go before I am 40 so I am pacing myself. I had to think hard of things I wanted to acheive. I am looking at this as an extension of my vision board, where am I going, what do I want to be in several years time. What do I want to try out that I haven't yet. Apparently they are called "bucket lists" and so I googled a few of them. Jump out of airplanes, hang off the Toronto tower, swim with dolphins.... not really my cup of tea.  According to the magazine cosmopolitan, I should "swim naked and let my lady parts float around" (really? mine will sink), "eat a whole cake" (done it, many times over), "spend more money than you should on vaccation" (don't we all do that anyway?) and "learn to make one full meal". Really? 40 and never made a meal, I knew that this was something I would have to do alone and search deep within.

So finally, after several weeks of compiling, emailing and consulting, the list is ready. In true scientific style, the ulitmate to do list is split into 9 segments that are

1) Shopping
2) DIY
3) Personal Development
4) Detox
5) Food
6) Travel
7) Money
8) Family/Friends
9) Community

Some aims are easy to do, but others are more difficult and will require some precision planning!!  I would share the list with you, but I won't - my mum reads my blog :-p

Visions for 2015

So, before I waffle on about happiness, databases, studies and proven concepts, I thought I would take out some time to finish off my vision board for 2015. Yes, its almost a month over due, but better late than never. In a previous blog, I discussed my vision board and how I felt it was instrumental in shaping my life in 2014 and help me take control of my life. So with that firmly in focus, the visions for 2015 are taking place. Here is my new board:

Unlike last years, this one, I think is quite feminine. There are obvious pictures of things I want to achieve this year (glamour is a very central theme), but other pictures were just quite random. This year, I also included quotes to keep me focused.

As I was cutting and sticking the last little bits and bobs after dinner last night, a curious little seven year old also wanted to know what I was doing, so I explained the vision board to her. Instantly she sat down beside me and started mauling magazines for pictures that she like. I want to share that with you too, my daughters vision board.

I looked at her creation and thought to myself there is alot I need to learn from that child - diamonds, sapphires and pearls being obviously her focus (why didn't I think of that!!). In either case, these are now being put up for both of us above our beds to ponder upon this upcoming year.  Lets see if our visions are realised.

happiness database

My happiness quest continues, despite rumours that this week had the most depressing day in the year on it (blue monday - apparently it was on the 19th of January - a day I was feeling quite Jovial actually).  Before I move onto my topic of the day, I wanted to say a massive thank you to all those people forwarding me happiness talks, quotes, articles and pictures, you are doing a splendid job helping me in my happiness project. Or you think I am a miserable git and sincerely need it. The optomist in me thinks the prior.

Whilst researching about happiness, I came across the happiness database that had some really interesting, and actually quite amusing happiness ideas. However, this massive study that was compiled really highlighted some important things for me.

1. Happiness is not comparative. It doesn't matter if your neighbour has more/less than you, it won't make you happier.
2. Happiness varies in your lifetime. Some moments make you happier than others. This means it is not genetic, its circumstantial.
3. The majority of mankind enjoys life. Unhappiness is the exception.
4. Happiness rises in modern societies - so the idea that modernisation is contributing to our misery is not true.

And others. However, I like this study, its comprehensive. It covers over 9000 studies, collated in over 150 nations, and its live and ongoing.

I guess thats reassuring, we are all programmed to be happy and we generally all believe that we are.  And its ok to sometimes feel unhappy. I will spend the next few blogs analysing the work of Professor Veenhoven at length, but for now, let me throw you a research finding:

"You tend to be happier if you think you're good looking, rather than if you actually, objectively speaking, are."

discuss!!

Human Happy

So for now, I won't stop blogging. It was an overwhelming "don't stop" from you, the audience, so its your own faults - I shall contiue. If you hate my blogs, tough, you had your chance to speak up.

So although seeking happiness might not be the right way of acheiving happiness, I don't think its wrong to analyse your own life and the happiness it brings, if for anything, then just to get to know yourself a bit more. SO on that note, I continue, analysing different aspects of my life and those around me.

This week has been a particulary happy one, new changes in my job have kicked in, its nice to do something different, and a great party last weekend certainly put a smile on my face. Going back to the party, I had a fab time, just being me and letting myself go, but I was certainly surprised by the reactions of those people around me. Seems like I can't dance and let myself go without being over analysed by those around me as being the life and soul of the party. Like I care, I know I am a party animal. And it makes me happy, but what it is that makes me happy. For sure, its the human contact with others. That makes me happy.

Easy to say for an extrovert like me. Actually, studies go back to 25 years ago where people have realised that extroverts are happier people than introverts.  The reasons why (according to the journal of Personality and Individiual Differences) is that extroverts are more social. And getting out more and doing more activities makes you happier. Sure, if I go through the people I know, the family and friends around, those who are introverts are less happy.  So basically, happiness could be in your genes.

So why not latch onto it. So first action plan to head to down the path of human happiness was to downsize my facebook account and to delete the app from my phone. Facebook isn't human contact, its a virtual human contact. Those friendships on there don't make you happy, its the face to face meet ups that do. And second action plan, meet more friends/family. Make time a few times a month for quality time. I guess even introverts have a few people that they feel most comfortable with and its good to home in on those and really nurture those relationships. Keep your treasures close.

Happy New Year

Yes, its been a while - its been the holiday season afterall!!  Generally, this time of year is a great one for happiness, Christmas and buying presents for loved ones confirms what I was saying in my previous blog posts - doing things for others makes you happy.

But then the new year comes along, and all around me I hear of all the pledges and resolutions people are making for the upcoming year (loosing weight is on top of everyones list it seems), and I like that positivity I see in people. The hopes and aspirations that everything will be good this year. This year, everything will be different, I will get to be a size 8....

And like every year, by the end of January, the hope is gone, and despair kicks in. Because the will power is down to zero, and all those aspirations instead of making us feel good, now make us feel bad.  This really makes me think about new years resolutions - often they are the same year on year, and often they fail.  I stopped making them years back.

A recent article in the Independent acknowledges this, and it kind of made me think about my own happiness adventure - is it like a news year resolution, and have I set myself up for disaster?  Is the actual fact of pursuing happiness bound to make me miserable in the longer term?  If you google "seeking happiness" and look at the images that emerge, its true - proverb after proverb says the same, seeking happiness is the path to unhappiness.  I am not really waiting for happiness to spring up on me, I am already happy, but my initial question was, could I be happier?  I know one of my first pledges was to keep this blog updated, and I haven't kept it updated as  much as I wanted to - that makes me feel bad. Do I need to break up my happiness quest into smaller pieces that are easier to pursue?  Do I need to give it up altogether - give me a week to think that through.

Achieving Happiness

Yes, its been a while (again) and I apologise for that. Its been a whirlwind of a few weeks and although the happiness project has been wanning for a while - its heading back on course. What put it back into action - achievement.

So that's the topic of this blog, how to find those little parcels of happiness to lift you up to euphoria?  Although this might not work for everyone reading this, but setting yourself a task and achieving it certainly did it for me. This task was a biggie - find a job, and through weeks of what felt like banging my head against a brick wall, I finally got there. But it needn't be so large. I find even little tasks once done make me happy - clear out a cupboard, finish a craft project, sort out my paperwork. And what I love more than anything in the world - to do lists. Putting a line through a done job is a fabulous feeling.

I have heard people grumble about to do lists and  how they make them unhappy. My advice - break up the tasks into smaller chunks.  Then only set yourself a few tasks per day, so you are achieving 80% of what you wanted to. Its good not to achieve that other 20% - that keeps you in the knowledge that you are stretching yourself and improving. I googled to do lists to see what the wider internet community thought - yes, to do lists are definitely a feel good action.  In fact some bloggers say do away with the to do list and make a done list - things you have achieved already. I know myself that I am task orientated and I like the challenge of a to do list, but if you find that this gets you down, the done list is probably more your thing.

So - to keep me on my toes a little, my daily task is to compile a to do list. Just a list of 2-3 things that I need to do every evening, like fold the washing, empty the bins etc... but that should give me the sense of achievement and that sense of accomplishment.  After all, if you want to achieve happiness you need to achieve?

Money Happy

I am thrilled when I do my searches that so many people have taken a scientific approach to happiness. Not bloggers ofcourse, but there is much research where how happy you are (a relative term) actually has been given a figure and value. 

So its to science I turn when I want to figure out, does money make us happy? The earthy ones among you will say no, the materialistic of you will say yes. My feelings are mixed.  In Gretchen Rubins book, The Happiness Project she says yes, money makes you happy. Only because it allows you to occasionally treat yourself and that adds to happiness.

I've often wondered this. I know I am not poor, but I don't really want more money. I do think I get to do all the things I love on the money I am on - travel, hobbies, going out, visiting family/friends. And although I can be a bit frugal with money, I just think thats who I am, having more money won't change that - I will just end up saving more.

In PNAS there was an article published on income and happiness. When the wealth of a nation increases, the happiness does not.  This can be seen with Latin American and Eastern European countries where happiness did not improve when these countries came out of poverty.  I don't think the article addressed other apsects of peoples lives that measure happiness. Although I cannot comment on these countries, I know in Iraq, the country of my roots and where I have had the opportunity to speak to a variety of people in, the increased wealth of the nation post US led invasion did not lead to happiness because it increased the instability of the country.  Personally, I know people are happier that they are wealthier and they don't need to worry about their next meal, but I think peoples happiness are more complex than a linear measure of money vs how happy people say they are on a survey.

It was only when I came to read another article that I thought it made more sense. Money is relative. If you feel that you are earning more than your peers than you tend to feel happier. If you feel that you are earning less than your peers, you are unhappy.  Its easy to say to people not to compare yourself we do, but we all unconsciously do so. 

Does money buy happiness?  I agree with Gretchen Rubin, it buys you treats - when used occasionally bring little bouts of happiness. However, more wealth isn't necessarily going to make you happier. If you are miserable about how much money you take home every month, getting more isn't going to make you happier, because it all depends who you are comparing yourself to.  If I were you, I'd start making friends with people who earn less than you, that might make you feel happier :-)