The Age of Happiness

Making more of an effort, how am I getting on?  I can start seeing some sense in my new vision board, and doing well with my ultimate to do list with now 2 of the 40 items complete - as of last week, our home is now salt free.  Only 38 more tasks to go, but I do have several years to do it.

I began to wonder when happiness peaks on ones life and what are the measures of happiness at each stage in your life. As I was considering this, I thought it surely must be post retirement - when life has calmed down, you've learnt from mistakes and your financial burdens are over...

Oh was I wrong. Apparently, you are at the pinnacle of your happiness at the tender age of 34. The reason, its the age you marry, have children, get onto the property ladder, are comfortable meeting monthly repayments and are making decent strides in your career.  Yes, I can relate to that, but surely the goal posts for happiness move in different stages of your life? Surely at university, where life was carefree and one big party, that was happy? The flaw with this study is that they asked a bunch of over 40s and when trying to recall the happiest moments of my life, our minds always take us back to times when we were much happier THEN than now.  There is a certain degree of reminiscing about the past, and I guess if that's a human tendency - you can't really ask a dead person when they were most happiest.

I looked into more studies, and actually found that there is no magic age of happiness, at different stages of life there are elements of happiness.  So goal posts move, and that got me thinking more about my happiness project and the goals I've set - well they can move too surely with time? We change and evolve and its ok to decide that certain tasks are no longer making us happy?  So a key aspect of any happiness endeavour is to review and replace, and that's ok because it confirms you are still human and you are moving on.

If you're happy and you know it....

Another week has flown by. I am now surrounding myself with happiness triggers and reminders. My new vision board is up, the ultimate to do list is written, and I have my smaller pledges, some of which I am doing better than others. The key to happiness is really dissecting your life into various segments - relationships, work, home, family, friends etc.. and to find a bit of happiness triggers in each to keep things in perspective.  I have touched on this in previous blogs, and I have been trying to fill my life with these triggers in all aspects.  And in particular, I feel work is an important one to stay happy in. Its where many of us spend most of our waking day, and being fufilled, forming friendships and feeling appreciated are all important in making our work day happier.

I am not much of a tv watcher. I am, however, an avid radio listener and devoted newspaper skimmer. It was during one of my skimming sessions that I came across an article about happiness that caught my eye. Hitachi  have a new wireless device that it gives to employees to wear and it measures their happiness.  Wanna see it? Here is it




Of course my first question was what are the happiness metrics? So many articles have been written on happiness and how to measure it and its a very difficult abstract measure that really only way to measure happiness is to ask people.  I was extremely curious how this abstract measure is now biometric, however Hitach will not disclose its secret. Apparently it records 50 data points per second all focussed around walking, talking, typing and nodding. And managers can see in real time how happy the staff are (erm... I can think of ONE manager who really needs to know this, not naming names).  Hitachi are actually going to sell this onto other employers, I wonder if it will take off?  So if you're happy and you know it... its likely your boss knew it first.


 

Happy New Year

Yes, its been a while - its been the holiday season afterall!!  Generally, this time of year is a great one for happiness, Christmas and buying presents for loved ones confirms what I was saying in my previous blog posts - doing things for others makes you happy.

But then the new year comes along, and all around me I hear of all the pledges and resolutions people are making for the upcoming year (loosing weight is on top of everyones list it seems), and I like that positivity I see in people. The hopes and aspirations that everything will be good this year. This year, everything will be different, I will get to be a size 8....

And like every year, by the end of January, the hope is gone, and despair kicks in. Because the will power is down to zero, and all those aspirations instead of making us feel good, now make us feel bad.  This really makes me think about new years resolutions - often they are the same year on year, and often they fail.  I stopped making them years back.

A recent article in the Independent acknowledges this, and it kind of made me think about my own happiness adventure - is it like a news year resolution, and have I set myself up for disaster?  Is the actual fact of pursuing happiness bound to make me miserable in the longer term?  If you google "seeking happiness" and look at the images that emerge, its true - proverb after proverb says the same, seeking happiness is the path to unhappiness.  I am not really waiting for happiness to spring up on me, I am already happy, but my initial question was, could I be happier?  I know one of my first pledges was to keep this blog updated, and I haven't kept it updated as  much as I wanted to - that makes me feel bad. Do I need to break up my happiness quest into smaller pieces that are easier to pursue?  Do I need to give it up altogether - give me a week to think that through.

Money Happy

I am thrilled when I do my searches that so many people have taken a scientific approach to happiness. Not bloggers ofcourse, but there is much research where how happy you are (a relative term) actually has been given a figure and value. 

So its to science I turn when I want to figure out, does money make us happy? The earthy ones among you will say no, the materialistic of you will say yes. My feelings are mixed.  In Gretchen Rubins book, The Happiness Project she says yes, money makes you happy. Only because it allows you to occasionally treat yourself and that adds to happiness.

I've often wondered this. I know I am not poor, but I don't really want more money. I do think I get to do all the things I love on the money I am on - travel, hobbies, going out, visiting family/friends. And although I can be a bit frugal with money, I just think thats who I am, having more money won't change that - I will just end up saving more.

In PNAS there was an article published on income and happiness. When the wealth of a nation increases, the happiness does not.  This can be seen with Latin American and Eastern European countries where happiness did not improve when these countries came out of poverty.  I don't think the article addressed other apsects of peoples lives that measure happiness. Although I cannot comment on these countries, I know in Iraq, the country of my roots and where I have had the opportunity to speak to a variety of people in, the increased wealth of the nation post US led invasion did not lead to happiness because it increased the instability of the country.  Personally, I know people are happier that they are wealthier and they don't need to worry about their next meal, but I think peoples happiness are more complex than a linear measure of money vs how happy people say they are on a survey.

It was only when I came to read another article that I thought it made more sense. Money is relative. If you feel that you are earning more than your peers than you tend to feel happier. If you feel that you are earning less than your peers, you are unhappy.  Its easy to say to people not to compare yourself we do, but we all unconsciously do so. 

Does money buy happiness?  I agree with Gretchen Rubin, it buys you treats - when used occasionally bring little bouts of happiness. However, more wealth isn't necessarily going to make you happier. If you are miserable about how much money you take home every month, getting more isn't going to make you happier, because it all depends who you are comparing yourself to.  If I were you, I'd start making friends with people who earn less than you, that might make you feel happier :-)

digging deep

My current favourite quote.  I am finding myself having to revert to this quote quite a fair bit this week, and its only Tuesday. Yes, my little sparkles of happiness are rapidly eroding. My liberal carefree daily cycle to work has been replaced with being stuck in traffic in a tin can. My precious lab space - the zone in which I feel happiest has been eroded to half of what I had before, and frankly I have been struggling to find the happiness.  This moment, that I have been building slowly towards for the last 18 months is finally here - the site has finally closed (or is closing) in Cambridge, and we are being located 40 miles away.  Time to implement happiness project phase II.

Its  hard to stay positive and focussed when you're decontaminating an entire lab space, and watching thousands of pounds of chemicals and reagents being tipped into biohazard bags.  Its also hard to find the happiness when your closest friends at work - the sisterhood - have decided that this is the end for them, really leaving you alone to face the harsh truth.  So yes, dig deep.

phase II, what is it then?  Self analysis once again, but the big realisation, making other people happy actually makes me happy. It works for me. So of course my first guinea pig is the child. We played hide and seek, I let her "scare" me so she gets her kicks and we had a cuddle in bed until she fell asleep. That really brightened my day. Buying a coffee for colleauges at work, telling someone you care - seeing that smile that someone has did its magic.

There are actual studies to support this. In science there was an article about how spending on others makes you happier than spending on yourself. For someone like me, I relate to that. Whether its spending time or money, pampering others gives me a great deal of satisfaction - and especially with children, when you get very little back in return for it (in my case a cuddle is a rare commodity), I still don't mind.  Action plan for tomorrow - make someone happy, you might find it might just make you happy too.

sisterhood

I feel lucky to be a woman. Really I do. I know there is much gender inequality out there, and don't get me wrong, I am a feminist. But I still think we have special features that men just don't have - sisterhood.

Relationships that women have with other women fascinate me.  If I reflect upon my own life, my female friends are my rocks. Maybe its partly because I was brought up in a predominantly female household; the female relationships we form are special. Whether it be with family, friends, colleagues or neighbours. I have spent alot of time pondering over my own relationships with the women around me, and I have come to a conclusion: there are three catagories of female-female relationships.

The first - the inner circle. Of which there are just a very very few. Those people who probably know too much about your life. Those people you weep with, you rely on, you laugh with, you take criticism from. Those are the rare relationships, and every women for sure should have them. This inner circle seem never to upset you - even when they are your harshest critics.  Those are the people who make you happiest. And those are the people you need to keep close and invest in.

The second, the double edged sword. The women who you kind of say things to. But those also, after a long conversation, you leave feeling bad about yourself. And you don't really know how it all happened.  There is not much genuineness in their advice, you think they are your friend, but they are perhaps not. They are the predators who go for the kill. These are the women you have to stay clear from.

Then the third, the bitches. Never nice, always spiteful. Don't even go there and don't do it to yourself.

If the people around you are making you feel bad about yourself, then walk away. Life is too short.

Its the second group really that fascinates me. Why do us women do that to ourselves? Why are we just plain nasty to each other from time to time?  And its always the fattest of your friends who tells you you're fat, or the childless one who tells you how to raise your children, or the working mum who makes you feel guilty that you are working.  Is this just the way its always been?

I like to think not (the optomist in me!).  I like to think that there was a time, particularly in post-war Britain where women HAD to pull together and help each other and the bitching stopped. The reason, many husbands never came home, and there was no other choice. I turned to the internet to back my theory up, and was shocked at the responses. The close female relationship in category 1 is basically dead. Guardian, telegraph, its all there. Female friendships, of pure concern for each other is gone.

I, however, totally disagree, the female friend is still alive, I am the proof of that. And maybe thats why more and more people (or women) are unhappy, we have lost our close circle of friends. I certainly know that these people are central to my happiness project, so here I am reaching out to the world - stop being bitchy to your friends because you are insecure, because we all need that shoulder to lean on every now and then.

Managing the bad

Its been a long while. I know. I haven't found it in me to write my blog. My happiness project is waning. I know why. There is too much going on in my life that its sucking out the time to enjoy the things i need to make me happy.  I am going through changes in practically every aspect of my life. This has left a cleft of uncertainty in my mind, and happiness is certainly the last thing on my mind.

So with much activation energy, I am sitting here tonight wondering how it is you need to combat the blues.  We are all going to have times in our lives where we feel down, unmotivated and where we loose focus. The happiness project hasn't eliminated those, but there must be a way to manage this. It might not just be feeling down because of the pressures of life, but you might have a sudden traumatic shock that you weren't expecting, how do you manage this when your aims are to stay happy and focussed?

This is a difficult issue to address, and I can't claim I have the answers either.  I tried to google it. I got nonsense most of the time, talk, find the positive things again in your life. Too airy fairy for my liking. However what started to catch my eye was other peoples blogs on their personal journeys and this really sucked me in.  These seem to be the key facts of bouncing back:

1) ask for help. ESPECIALLY if you are one of those people (like me) who never do. Having friends to lean on in times of need is priceless.

2) fake it. Apparently, putting on a big smile and pretending everything is ok actually helps the recovery process.  Certainly I felt that believing that you will get better and convincing yourself that things will change helps. I find a little memory helps me to remember this - like wearing a bracelet or ring to remind me...

3) Reminders. Every morning wake up and think of three things that will remind you of being happy. Starting your day happy does have rippling effects throughout the day.

4) Cry. Yes it helps weep like a baby and get it out. But then re-compose yourself and inspire yourself. When you hit rock bottom there is only one way - up!

5) Know your worst case scenario. This helps you to manage your expectations.  When you have already replayed how bad it can get, it doesn't feel so bad anymore.

I also saw this quote which helped me too. I know i don't do quotes, but this one inspired me:





I am going to bookmark this page of my blog. There will be times that will be hard and I have to refer to this page to pull myself out of it. One thing is never to feel alone, there are many people out there who care and want to help. While you may only be one person in this world, you may be the world to one person.

time for happiness

Reflect through your day. Surely your mood isn't constant throughout. Mine isn't. Depending on when you catch me, I can be over the moon (usually first thing in the morning) or ready to punch someone (usually around 9:30am, or by being at work for exactly 30 mins).  What I have recently been trying to monitor is whether there are particular parts of the day I feel unhappy, and whether I can channel into this to implement my happiness strategies to make my mood more balanced.

So I googled it.  And here I am with my scientific hat again, I found an absolutely brilliant study which does just that - monitors your happiness throughout the day. The study: look at blogs. Find blogs that are positive with positive words (like awesome, yay, lovely) and those with sad words (like lonely, cry, upset, sad) and look to see what time of day they were entered in.  Here are the average findings:










Lets start the graph when you first wake up, say 7-8am. Misery.  Then as the day moves on you get happier, slumping to an all time low at midday.  Infact, lunchtime is the most miserable time of the day for your average person. Why? Had enough of work already?  Feeling hungry so feeling snappy?  Moods then rise throughout the day, peaking in the evening (probably when the kids are asleep) with another peak at 3am (clubbing time?).  And that's the happiness cycle. I guess in this study you are biased based on the type of people blogging, but there is certainly a cycle of moods throughout your day.  I love this idea. For the next week, I am going to try and monitor my own happiness cycle and I'll share them with you here. Its only when I get to see my own cycle and when I am happiest/saddest that I am going to be able to tap into and realise when my low points are, and to enforce my happiness survival kit. See you in seven days!

The Happiness Formula

The issue I have is I am a through and through scientist. So like everything I approach in life, this happiness project also has to be approached in a scientific and logical method.  So what is happiness? Good question, and I know who will know; google.

So I google in the word "happiness" and I get all sorts that I will share with you.

The quotes
There is a whole bunch of quotes here they are
 

 

 

Ok, so these are three quotes I have selected for you to muse at. Really, happiness for a month is marriage, that was obviously written by a saddo single person, and so that totally discredited the first quote. Moving on.  Happiness is perfume?  Wait a minute is it NORMAL to pour perfume on people? Really, have a missed out on some obscure past time. So that quote I had to ignore. Then comes the final quote. Happiness sneaks into a door. I am sorry, but that won't do it for a scientist thinker like myself, I can't have haphazard happiness, I needed something tangible scientific and measurable.

So the quotes aren't doing it for me. Time to revisit the whole happiness defenition.

The Formula
Need something more scientific so started to look for a formula.  Here is what I found:

 
In its simplest form, happiness is the reality minus expectations, and if your expectations exceed reality, then you are in negative happiness - or in otherwords miserable. Truth to that. But how do you measure expectations. Do I even know what my expectations are? And I can't really measure this, I needed something that encompassed everything in my life:

 
Ok, I can feel the scientists getting excited here, but really this calculation does not make any sense either. Amount of Rain??  Alcohol consumption (and they can't even spell consumption). And so equation totally discredited.


Ok, this is getting harder than initially thought, and I can't seem to find anything that I can comprehend as to what is it I need to do to be happier.  The abstract quotations are all totally that... abstract. And the scientific approach which would have been brill, turns out what written by a bunch of morons.

So here it is, I am going to have my own definition and measure of happiness. And the only way I can measure my happiness is via this blog. I can record and publicly publish my joys and woes and see if the things I am implementing in my life really are making me happier.  And so that comes to my first realisation of happiness - Be Me.

Sounds simple, but really it requires a lot of self reflection. I don't do poetry and quotes, I don't understand them, and however much I would love to pull out some Shakespearean quotation on happiness, I know I won't get it.  So I need to accept myself, I am Zahra. I can't memorise the spelling of "protein" I am not able to memorise quotes and say they have meaning for me because they won't. I am going to have to accept that it will be a series of lists and tasks that I have to complete to reach my happiness goal, and you can be the judge of whether this works or not!