Taking Charge

My last blog played heavily on my mind this week. There are always individuals in your locality who are determined to put a dampener on your good fortune, mood or situation.  And this has really bothered me. In fact, I can go as far as saying that this is the biggest obstacle I am facing with my happiness project.

Now those who know me know that I am pretty focused and determined person, and so I put my mind into finding a solution to this. Surely I am not the only person who experiences this, and I started a comprehensive search of peoples experiences and thoughts.  Then I had the epiphany....

The only thing standing between me and my happiness project is just me. People will talk and bitch, but whether it upsets me or not is really my own fault. In every situation, I have a choice. I can choose to experience it negatively, or positively, or just ignore it altogether.  So people upsetting me is really my own fault, I am letting them. 

In your mind, nothing is impossible. You can achieve whatever you want, whether it be loose weight, a physical challenge, complete a difficult piece of work. I know I have taken my body and mind to extremes, and I can achieve more. The only thing that stops me is my own self telling me I can't.

Freeing your mind and taking charge of your fate is liberating. You can be physically restrained in your environment or limited, however nobody has any control over your mind, your feelings and your thoughts - in this realm, you are king. And this was my epiphany, I can train myself to react how I wish. 

Since my epiphany, I must say I have let alot of comments and situations just completely wash over me.  So the next challenge, can I sustain it?

Happiness Reactions

Its been almost a month since I last blogged.  I blame it on the Easter break, but no excuses really. Even though I have been absent from my writings, my happiness endeavour is clearly on my mind. My ultimate to do list is very much constantly on my mind and some aims are quick and easy whilst others need more time. I have visited one elderly person (4 more to go), bought a red leather jacket, halved my wardrobe space, thrown out my frumpy clothes, emptied one shelf of food from my kitchen cabinet and watched one movie out a hundred I need to see before my big 4.0 comes along.

So as I pursue happiness, and continue to read happiness articles and fill my life with positivity, a stark reality is beginning to set in. It seems like the happier you get, the more determined the people around seem to be to make you more miserable. Whether it be intentional or unintentional, its heartbreaking when there are people determined to make your life a misery. It could be the difficult colleague at work who has flared up, the comment that the dress you wanted will make you look fat, or the wrath of an angry neighbour who doesn't like your overgrown garden.  These are personal attacks that are inflicted and what is striking is that they almost always come from women.

I have touched on the way women tend to turn on one another before. I bet men do it too, but probably its not as subtle and tormenting as women do it.  But it bothers me. Why do women do this to each other, especially when we all face the common challenges of life together.  Is it hormonal? Is it jealousy? Is it just because you're having a bad day, so you take it out on the rest of us? And is that fair?

I am by no means perfect, but my female relationships are worth nurturing. Criticism is fine, it just needs to be communicated sensitively, and perhaps its that empathetic element that many lack?  Or maybe its a force of physics, to every action there is a reaction. Is it inevitable that as you get happier, you tend to notice the hostility more? 

However, what is also becoming clear from my happiness project is that I need to find a way to effectively deal with these.  Being a bitch back is just going to snowball - it requires thought and tact to tackle them. So part of happiness is also to find survival methods to combat your environment, and to implement those tools when needed.

digging deep

My current favourite quote.  I am finding myself having to revert to this quote quite a fair bit this week, and its only Tuesday. Yes, my little sparkles of happiness are rapidly eroding. My liberal carefree daily cycle to work has been replaced with being stuck in traffic in a tin can. My precious lab space - the zone in which I feel happiest has been eroded to half of what I had before, and frankly I have been struggling to find the happiness.  This moment, that I have been building slowly towards for the last 18 months is finally here - the site has finally closed (or is closing) in Cambridge, and we are being located 40 miles away.  Time to implement happiness project phase II.

Its  hard to stay positive and focussed when you're decontaminating an entire lab space, and watching thousands of pounds of chemicals and reagents being tipped into biohazard bags.  Its also hard to find the happiness when your closest friends at work - the sisterhood - have decided that this is the end for them, really leaving you alone to face the harsh truth.  So yes, dig deep.

phase II, what is it then?  Self analysis once again, but the big realisation, making other people happy actually makes me happy. It works for me. So of course my first guinea pig is the child. We played hide and seek, I let her "scare" me so she gets her kicks and we had a cuddle in bed until she fell asleep. That really brightened my day. Buying a coffee for colleauges at work, telling someone you care - seeing that smile that someone has did its magic.

There are actual studies to support this. In science there was an article about how spending on others makes you happier than spending on yourself. For someone like me, I relate to that. Whether its spending time or money, pampering others gives me a great deal of satisfaction - and especially with children, when you get very little back in return for it (in my case a cuddle is a rare commodity), I still don't mind.  Action plan for tomorrow - make someone happy, you might find it might just make you happy too.

Managing the bad

Its been a long while. I know. I haven't found it in me to write my blog. My happiness project is waning. I know why. There is too much going on in my life that its sucking out the time to enjoy the things i need to make me happy.  I am going through changes in practically every aspect of my life. This has left a cleft of uncertainty in my mind, and happiness is certainly the last thing on my mind.

So with much activation energy, I am sitting here tonight wondering how it is you need to combat the blues.  We are all going to have times in our lives where we feel down, unmotivated and where we loose focus. The happiness project hasn't eliminated those, but there must be a way to manage this. It might not just be feeling down because of the pressures of life, but you might have a sudden traumatic shock that you weren't expecting, how do you manage this when your aims are to stay happy and focussed?

This is a difficult issue to address, and I can't claim I have the answers either.  I tried to google it. I got nonsense most of the time, talk, find the positive things again in your life. Too airy fairy for my liking. However what started to catch my eye was other peoples blogs on their personal journeys and this really sucked me in.  These seem to be the key facts of bouncing back:

1) ask for help. ESPECIALLY if you are one of those people (like me) who never do. Having friends to lean on in times of need is priceless.

2) fake it. Apparently, putting on a big smile and pretending everything is ok actually helps the recovery process.  Certainly I felt that believing that you will get better and convincing yourself that things will change helps. I find a little memory helps me to remember this - like wearing a bracelet or ring to remind me...

3) Reminders. Every morning wake up and think of three things that will remind you of being happy. Starting your day happy does have rippling effects throughout the day.

4) Cry. Yes it helps weep like a baby and get it out. But then re-compose yourself and inspire yourself. When you hit rock bottom there is only one way - up!

5) Know your worst case scenario. This helps you to manage your expectations.  When you have already replayed how bad it can get, it doesn't feel so bad anymore.

I also saw this quote which helped me too. I know i don't do quotes, but this one inspired me:





I am going to bookmark this page of my blog. There will be times that will be hard and I have to refer to this page to pull myself out of it. One thing is never to feel alone, there are many people out there who care and want to help. While you may only be one person in this world, you may be the world to one person.