The Slippery Slope

Yes... my next few blogs are all going to be doom and gloom, some harsh realities about happiness. Last blog I touched on genetics, how you may actually be genetically incapable of being happy, there are real genes out there that are associated with happiness. This blog, lets face it, happiness is on the decline.

Life has gotten easier. Tasks that took us a whole day 50 years ago, now take us an hour at most. Think of the laundry, communicating with people, technology has enabled us to make things faster and quicker with little input from us.  Communication is key to happiness, friends and family makes us happy. Right now, I am sitting at the gymnasium waiting for my daughter to finish her gym class. Every single parent, albeit two (who are actually talking to each other) is plugged into an electronic devise of some sort. Including me.  But our addictions to WhatsApp and Facebook aren't making us happy, studies are all there to prove it.  We are becoming more and more miserable as a nation. You don't need the studies, ask any GP what they see coming into their surgeries. Depression is on the increase, more and more people are pill popping to keep them in some sort of meta-happy state.  Although life is technically easier, its not.

Never ever has more ever been expected from us as individuals and collectively as a society. Our every minutes have to be filled with some task. Yes, I have a spare 5 minutes, lets respond to emails, let me do my Sainsburys shopping, let me order a new door handle....  The definition of success:  money and power no longer works for us. Its exhausting us and making us more and more unhappy.  Who defined this success anyway? We all fight it amongst ourselves for the next promotion and the next better paid job. I am a complex being, surely my success is based on so much more than my work?


I have no solutions. I am still figuring this out for myself. But sometimes we need to slow down and almost stop. I am a hypocrite, I never slow down and never stop. Like one student once said to me "I'll rest when I die". But the problem is, if I don't rest, that route to death is going to be a very painful one.

Catching on

The wheels of happiness pursuit is slowly taking off again, and although I've been absent for a while, happiness and well being are firmly in my pursuit path.

I've made some progress with the ultimate to do list but panic is starting to set in. Days away from my 37th birthday, I know I will have to pull out the stops to get all 40 items done before the big 4.0 creeps up. The category of "shopping" is complete, but perhaps that was the low hanging fruit. The "detox" category has also progressed well. But I still need to find the time to exercise my culinary cuisines and to work on my personal development.

Being a woman, I always doubt myself. I doubt my own abilities and successes, and I am sure this resonates with other women. Men don't have this problem from what I see. They have absolute conviction in themselves and often will over sell themselves. So doing the woman thing, I doubt this whole project and pursuit often and wonder if I'm just setting myself up for failure. And it was a little glimmer of hope that I stumbled along that I want to share with you, that has put me back on that path of well being. Here it is:

 

I found this in my daughters notebook a while back, and its her ten things to do before shes ten. I don't really speak to her about my happiness project, but she hears conversations I have with various people about it. Maybe its crazy for a 7 year old to have a to do list. Or maybe shes learning some lessons that will help her prosper in life. But it made me realise that when you publicly declare your own pursuit for happiness, you inevitably motivate those around you to think about it in some way of form. So surely there is benefit in that. I will let you know in 15 years time if my happiness pursuit helped my daughter. In the meantime, a phone before you're ten, over my dead body!

Taking Charge

My last blog played heavily on my mind this week. There are always individuals in your locality who are determined to put a dampener on your good fortune, mood or situation.  And this has really bothered me. In fact, I can go as far as saying that this is the biggest obstacle I am facing with my happiness project.

Now those who know me know that I am pretty focused and determined person, and so I put my mind into finding a solution to this. Surely I am not the only person who experiences this, and I started a comprehensive search of peoples experiences and thoughts.  Then I had the epiphany....

The only thing standing between me and my happiness project is just me. People will talk and bitch, but whether it upsets me or not is really my own fault. In every situation, I have a choice. I can choose to experience it negatively, or positively, or just ignore it altogether.  So people upsetting me is really my own fault, I am letting them. 

In your mind, nothing is impossible. You can achieve whatever you want, whether it be loose weight, a physical challenge, complete a difficult piece of work. I know I have taken my body and mind to extremes, and I can achieve more. The only thing that stops me is my own self telling me I can't.

Freeing your mind and taking charge of your fate is liberating. You can be physically restrained in your environment or limited, however nobody has any control over your mind, your feelings and your thoughts - in this realm, you are king. And this was my epiphany, I can train myself to react how I wish. 

Since my epiphany, I must say I have let alot of comments and situations just completely wash over me.  So the next challenge, can I sustain it?

Human Happy

So for now, I won't stop blogging. It was an overwhelming "don't stop" from you, the audience, so its your own faults - I shall contiue. If you hate my blogs, tough, you had your chance to speak up.

So although seeking happiness might not be the right way of acheiving happiness, I don't think its wrong to analyse your own life and the happiness it brings, if for anything, then just to get to know yourself a bit more. SO on that note, I continue, analysing different aspects of my life and those around me.

This week has been a particulary happy one, new changes in my job have kicked in, its nice to do something different, and a great party last weekend certainly put a smile on my face. Going back to the party, I had a fab time, just being me and letting myself go, but I was certainly surprised by the reactions of those people around me. Seems like I can't dance and let myself go without being over analysed by those around me as being the life and soul of the party. Like I care, I know I am a party animal. And it makes me happy, but what it is that makes me happy. For sure, its the human contact with others. That makes me happy.

Easy to say for an extrovert like me. Actually, studies go back to 25 years ago where people have realised that extroverts are happier people than introverts.  The reasons why (according to the journal of Personality and Individiual Differences) is that extroverts are more social. And getting out more and doing more activities makes you happier. Sure, if I go through the people I know, the family and friends around, those who are introverts are less happy.  So basically, happiness could be in your genes.

So why not latch onto it. So first action plan to head to down the path of human happiness was to downsize my facebook account and to delete the app from my phone. Facebook isn't human contact, its a virtual human contact. Those friendships on there don't make you happy, its the face to face meet ups that do. And second action plan, meet more friends/family. Make time a few times a month for quality time. I guess even introverts have a few people that they feel most comfortable with and its good to home in on those and really nurture those relationships. Keep your treasures close.