Silent minds

Generally, I love people. I love watching them, talking to them; I love the way that everyone is so different yet still very much the same. What I love most of all is watching children. I am fortunate to have one of my own, and she pretty much is my Guinea Pig for all children. Its not a fair comparison, but I learn a lot from her.

As the years progress, one thing that really strikes me is that children are happy. She sings to herself, plays for hours on her own, and finds delights in the simple things in life.  Here we are looking for our happiness ingredients, but what strikes me is that we probably knew it all along, but somehow we forgot it. Children are happy (unless you have been through some awful trauma, I would say nearly all children are happy).  As the years pass on, I wonder more and more to myself - what makes them so happy?

Among other things, one of the key contributors is how children are unable to retain. Arguments and tiffs seem to just pass right through them. Only yesterday, my daughter and I  had a massive standoff, resulted in her sobbing and locking herself into her room. An hour later, she totally forgot about it. In fact only 10 minutes after the crying stopped singing came from her room. I came in to see how she was, and she was chatty/happy? Did you just forget that I beat you at monopoly? And the tantrum you threw as a result?  Yes, she did. And that is just one of the secrets to her happiness, forgetting.

Its not so easy with us grown ups, we all hold grudges, some for days, some for decades....  These grudges cloud our minds, unable us to think straight, consume our living days. How do you let go?  Apparently the experts say you have to silence your mind. And the way to do that is get out into nature. Just absorb yourself for 5-10 minutes observing a tree, or a bird or something. And apparently you let go. Sceptical me set off at lunchtime in the outer Hebrides of Mill Hill/Totteridge and I did just that, 10  minutes of lying under a tree and looking at the leaves blowing in the wind. Its true, it silences your mind and makes you let go. Give it a go, let me know if I am just talking rubbish!

Alone and Happy

Boohoo, I fail. I haven't blog for an age, and I only have myself and my laziness to blame for that. However, in the background I have been busy burrowing away at my happiness endeavours.  My pledges, how am I getting along with that?  I still fiddle too much with my phone - so I fail. I am probably sleeping more than I did before due to my extra long commute to work - so I fail again.  The chocolate I did reduce, binged again, but how am following the British Heart Foundations DeChox, and feeling fab - so one up for me.  To do lists - hmmm I seem to forget, but when I remember it does make me feel great. Being kind to others - certainly I do that more these days, so that's another one for me. Generally I think most people are beginning to feel happier as its heading towards spring, life evident poking from the ground and we are nearing the 13.9 degrees - the magic temperature. In addition, I have ticked off one thing on my ultimate to do list (40 things to do before I am 40) and got a full body massage, so although there is an absence online, happiness is very much on my radar.

It does bother me though as I was flicking through the happiness database about whether being married or single makes me happier that studies almost unanimously show that being married makes you happier. I tend to disagree on that notion for myself having sat on both sides of that fence.  I also wonder about my situation as a lone parent and look at the tiny blessings my daughter brings into my life and wonder if its her that makes me happier.  For those lone mothers reading this, being alone looking after children is certainly a challenge, and the sense of responsibility immense. However, I did find a study which addresses that and children do make single mothers happier than their childless counterparts.  It does acknowledge the challenges that lone parents face, but when a parent is alone with a child, that child becomes a focal point in the parents life. I can relate to that.

But although being a single parent makes you happy, and it makes me very happy, I know that I am faced with the stigma from society that brings me great unhappiness. The pity, or stereotypes I get from those around me, whether I know them or not doesn't just make me unhappy, it makes me furious.  The sympathetic looks of "there there, you'll find someone soon" enrages me, but it also saddens me and makes me think why do people say that? Is it envy? Or is it because marriage or cohabitation makes them happier?  And surely with the array of families now emerging in the 21st century, a single parent is quite tame?  I'll end it there before I keep ranting on and this turns from a happiness blog to a vent it out blog, and I guess I won't change society or how others see me. All I can do is have the confidence to just be me.