Alone and Happy

Boohoo, I fail. I haven't blog for an age, and I only have myself and my laziness to blame for that. However, in the background I have been busy burrowing away at my happiness endeavours.  My pledges, how am I getting along with that?  I still fiddle too much with my phone - so I fail. I am probably sleeping more than I did before due to my extra long commute to work - so I fail again.  The chocolate I did reduce, binged again, but how am following the British Heart Foundations DeChox, and feeling fab - so one up for me.  To do lists - hmmm I seem to forget, but when I remember it does make me feel great. Being kind to others - certainly I do that more these days, so that's another one for me. Generally I think most people are beginning to feel happier as its heading towards spring, life evident poking from the ground and we are nearing the 13.9 degrees - the magic temperature. In addition, I have ticked off one thing on my ultimate to do list (40 things to do before I am 40) and got a full body massage, so although there is an absence online, happiness is very much on my radar.

It does bother me though as I was flicking through the happiness database about whether being married or single makes me happier that studies almost unanimously show that being married makes you happier. I tend to disagree on that notion for myself having sat on both sides of that fence.  I also wonder about my situation as a lone parent and look at the tiny blessings my daughter brings into my life and wonder if its her that makes me happier.  For those lone mothers reading this, being alone looking after children is certainly a challenge, and the sense of responsibility immense. However, I did find a study which addresses that and children do make single mothers happier than their childless counterparts.  It does acknowledge the challenges that lone parents face, but when a parent is alone with a child, that child becomes a focal point in the parents life. I can relate to that.

But although being a single parent makes you happy, and it makes me very happy, I know that I am faced with the stigma from society that brings me great unhappiness. The pity, or stereotypes I get from those around me, whether I know them or not doesn't just make me unhappy, it makes me furious.  The sympathetic looks of "there there, you'll find someone soon" enrages me, but it also saddens me and makes me think why do people say that? Is it envy? Or is it because marriage or cohabitation makes them happier?  And surely with the array of families now emerging in the 21st century, a single parent is quite tame?  I'll end it there before I keep ranting on and this turns from a happiness blog to a vent it out blog, and I guess I won't change society or how others see me. All I can do is have the confidence to just be me.

Work Happy

Its been I while. I know. There are some topics on this blog that are going to be difficult to tackle, and I have been churning on how best to deliver these.  But for today, I am going to delve into parenting, or more importantly working parenting.

I have been critisised heavily over the years. "why bother having children if you're leaving them in childcare all day".  I honestly don't know how to answer these questions, and I find myself mulling over it again and again.  Then I get angry at myself for not have had a good answer for it, but I am always taken by surprise when its asked.  Yes, I am a working mother. I work full time and my child has been in the trusty hands of childcare since she was one.  I actually think that this has had a positive impact on her. Nursery taught her to fight for herself, to become independent, to play, to not watch tv all day, to eat healthily... all lessons that I think that will benefit her as an adult.  More importantly though, I also believe it has a positive impact on me.

I was reading on the net about working parents, and was shocked to find an article stating that 88% of working parents suffer from health problems, and are as follows:


 

It made me think carefully about how happy I am as a working parent. Afterall, 43% of working parents feel depressed, and 64% extreme fatigue.  I might feel stressed or under pressure during the mornings or evenings, but never what I would call extreme fatigue. I still am able to see friends, enjoy hobbies, tidy up.  Does being a working parent make me unhappy and was I wrong to pursue my education and career?

I've had many conversations about this. I see so many high flying women pack it all up for their families as the "kids need me".  These are personal choices, I can't tell you what is right or not.  But by thinking and contemplating.. no, I did the right thing. The positive impact my work has on my life makes me happy. The value I feel from my colleagues at work, the sense of achievement and the fact that I am investing in my childs future (i.e. being able to pay for their university fees) makes me think I am doing the right thing. Having been there on one year of maternity leave - I am pretty sure that staying at home would make me miserable.

I can do more at home. I know that currently I value the time I spend with my child and I feel we spend quality time together. We cook together, we eat together and spend lots of time chatting.  But from my daughters happiness checklist, she wants to play more, so I pledge to do that. Her happiness is also important to me. So here's my pledge, play more together. Even if its 15 minutes, I need to find the quality time to do what she wants to do. Every evening after dinner, we will spend time together where she chooses what we are to do.  I know whats coming up: hours of loom bands.