Genes

It's been a while since my last blog... not because I can't be bothered. But too much to think about. A few weeks ago I was fortunate to go see The Happiness Project at the theatre - an experiment between scientists and teenagers to explore happiness. I thought this blog entry would be a good review for this production, but in all honesty, I left with my head spinning. The two hour production pretty much covered everything about happiness; psychological, experimental, scientific, theoretical and the down right airy fairy!!

So, I have decided instead to explore the main themes that stood out for me, one blog at a time. There was one character that really stood out for me, a teenager who was always happy, or so she says.  Positive thinking makes you happy right? If you believe you're happy then you will be, right?  Well that's what the books say.  But I have been thinking about this girl for a few weeks now.... and now I am not so sure.

Generally, I think I am a positive and happy person, I probably have always been. I have my moments of being cross, but generally, happiness comes naturally to me. If I look at my gene pool - my siblings, parents, they are all happy people. They are very optimistic, especially when it comes to time lines!!  And I wonder if this is in our genes. I look around me, I know people who are happier and more positive than me, and I know people who certainly are not. Is your genetic disposition dictating your happiness? Is it futile for me to be happier when I already am? Is it naive for me to believe people can be happier by following the formula's that are laid out here, when they just can't?

I am not talking rubbish here, there is apparently a link between happiness and genes. Firstly, happy people seem to have a combination of personality traits that make them who they are.  Then there are some genes that are over activated in happy people that seems to be responsible for happiness. Serotonin transport proteins.  These are definitely under active in depressed people and over active in happy people. Great, I thought this a great target for drug discovery - a target for Serotonin transport proteins - a pill to make you happy. Unfortunately, someone beat me to it, there is a happy pill that activates Serotonin transport proteins. Its called cocaine :-(

sleep

Sleep. The new buzz word. I hear it everywhere these days.  Bhutan has now declared itself a happier nation. Why is that? The Prime Minister claims it’s because its citizens are sleeping more. In fact 91.2% of Bhutanese citizens have declared themselves happy.  Funnily, those who are happiest are the monks. Probably because they never marry.  

The sleep connection to happiness goes further. Shocking. 23% of married couples do not share the same bed. But these couples claim that this is the key to their successful happy. And why? Because you get a good nights sleep. The tossing and turning (or even snoring) of a partner beside you disrupts the quality of your sleep. More and more of my married friends in my circles admit this.  I’m a bit selfish; I get the bed to myself anyway.  So now, instead of staying up all night finishing off your jobs, leave it all and get to bed. And its uninterrupted sleep that’s the key.

I feel quite naïve reading all this.  In my very first blogs I spoke about my changes to become a happier person, and I thought my 8 hours a night was ridiculous and I needed less sleep. If you’ve been following my blog, you realise I did a u-turn, and I realised how non functional I was on 6 hours sleep. I agree, sleep is necessary and key to a happy life.  But its scientific attributes are only beginning to become evident, the realities of actually how a lack of sleep is hurting us, even killing us.  It makes us more stressed, irritable, on a physiological level, it increases blood pressure, depression, muscular aches, obesity, headaches. So grab a pillow and a blanket and take a snooze – it will only make you happier.

Hard Wired

Yes, we are hard wired. I know that with myself, no matter how hard I try to be positive, when an emotion of disgust, shame, guilt, negativity, stress, anxiety, sadness, anger gets into my head, my head starts spinning. I start imagining scenarios and my thoughts go off in a tangent, the what ifs, the what coulds, the when wills......

I wanted to understand this phenomenon. I am pretty sure now, I am not the only one who experiences it. No matter how great my day has been, one snooty comment from one snooty mum at school and all I seem to focus on is the negative emotion.

Yes, this is a real emotion.  We experience it (yes all of us) because our brains are hard wired that way.  Its the way our brains keep us safe - we focus on the negative or alarming aspects of our lives to prepare ourselves for those scenarios.  So what to do?  Here is the three step solution:

1) Acknowledge to yourself this moment is difficult. This is the monumental point. When you acknowledge your difficulty, things instantly start to feel better.  Scientifically, this acknowledgement down regulates the alarm centre of the brain and calms you down.
2) Investigate the difficulty. Work out if there is anything you need to do to improve it.  Does it need a solution? Do you just need to time to get accustomed to it? Do you need to punch someone?  I wouldn't recommend the later, it could land you in prison!
3) Cast the net. And what else. Did the negative aspect teach you something? Has it made you realise what is going on?  What did you learn from it.

I think it makes sense. For me, the three step process is something I go through naturally, when I saw it written on paper it made sense.  So your anger is normal. Embrace it. Learn from it.

Chasing Happiness

And so my pursuit continues. I purposely chose my bucket list to be as diverse as possible giving me the chance to sample new things that might add some happiness in my life. I was very surprised that my "learn a new musical instrument" one is the one so far that gives me so much happiness. Even when I am feeling down and annoyed, I pick up my instrument and all of a sudden all is forgotten. The morale - try something new and wacky - you never know to which mental state of mind it might take you.

There has been articles this week specifically about the happiness trail and pursuit.  I think I may have eluded to this in a previous blog, but the more you chase happiness, the more it runs away from you.  I read the article. I re-read it. I can't say I totally agree with it....

Chasing happiness. Wanting to be happy. What does that mean? Does that mean I am always happy? Am I not allowed to be sad at all?  If you think this, then the happiness project is doom. Part of being happy is also being sad. After sadness, you know what true happiness is.  If you are looking for the ideal life, then you are up for a disappointment, because life is a journey. And happiness is a journey too.  Chasing happiness means chasing sadness and disappointment too.  The happiness project was never intended so that I am happy ALL the time, its just a means to make me more aware of myself and my own mental state of mind. If you accept this, then go on, chase your happiness rainbow, and don't let those miserable journalists get you down :-)

minding happiness

Take a look at this man:












His name is Chade-Meng Tang. Google employ him as part of the HR team to do only one thing - to make google employees happy.

So he has these lunchtime sessions of mindfulness, relaxation and de-stressing. Google claims hes worth every penny. Not only does he keeps the employees happy, but in turn, that makes them more productive. One of the success stories behind google.

Just like exercise, now being recognised as a key factor in well being, meditation and mindfulness is going down the same track. It still shocks me to think how many employers neglect their staff. Over worked, over bearing, strict deadlines, lack of understanding, constant flurries of change - it takes its toll on the staff, and most employers shrug it off thinking plenty more fish in the sea. But changing and re-training staff is a false economy, its good to get the fresh new staff in, but in many cases, the balance is wrong.

People still laugh at meditation and its importance in well being. So many of my peers are turning to it and a way to detach from situations.  Meditation isn't just sitting cross legged chanting for an hour, its when you clear your mind. It can be done by prayer, cleaning or hard physical labour - we just don't call it  meditation. I haven't gone down the path of mindfulness yet, but I have my private ways to clear my mind and meditate.  Just another sprinkling onto my happiness project

Politically happy

Its time to blog again. And the last few weeks I have been focusing on my ultimate bucket list. 7 items complete from 40, and I am leaving some of the easy ones for the hard times. I am certainly very pleased with myself. I have started to learn a musical instrument, taking professional lessons, not just copying on youtube, and sat down to watch E.T. Apparently its number 24 on the US film institutes top 100....  And gosh, when I complete a task on my bucket list, I feel great!

A headline caught my eye today - it was about the Liberal Democrats party conference in Bournemouth and how all the people are coming out so happy. Of course the "happy" buzz word caught my eye and I read the article. Misleading. But its true, your political inclinations are likely to make you happier. I got this from several studies that state if you vote conservative you are likely to be happier. I almost choked on my tea - all tory voters I know are miserable gits.  But apparently the measure is unfair, its a questionnaire and they all say they are happy. A new study out this year contradicts these studies and points out the flaws, you can't ask people if they are happy, you need to look for signs of it. So they look for signs, and the BBC news headline was right, liberal voters are happier than conservatives. This is based on interviews, photographs were people are smiling, linkedin articles that are being posted, tweets, etc. They looked for happy/sad buzz words then re-connected who they were coming from.  It's an interesting study, who would have thought your voting habits effect your overall happiness. Luckily, I vote liberal, so I am well on my way on being the straight and narrow happiness path.

One Year On....

I'm back from a summer of fun and frolic.... and its also one year since starting my blog. So I dedicate this blog entry to reviewing the happiness project, now I have a more comprehensive overview of it.

The question I get asked, Am I Happier?  Yes, I certainly am. The very notion of writing a blog on happiness, thinking constantly about my happiness and well being automatically makes me happier. Yes, I have my down moments, we all do. That's ok, we are allowed to have those. Sometimes those down moments result in a friend reaching out, or ends in a happy memory. Seldom to sad memories remain like that. 

The blog has forced me to look into happiness at depth; to look at studies that are published in peer reviewed journals, at personal entries from people, scathe through newspapers clippings. There is one thing to be send, being happy is certainly a very popular item of study. But with one fundamental flaw, there is no measure of happiness.

Reviewing my own progress, the ultimate to do list, the vision board and the blog its self have been very positive. I would certainly recommend them. However, there is one thing that I am sure is hindering my happiness, and that is my smart phone.  My constant need to check my phone and be permanently connected to my emails..... this is something only I can sort out with my own willpower.

So I go in full circle, one of my first happiness endeavours 1 year ago was to drop the smartphone and still I haven't been able to.  This is something that I am working on. And whilst my daughter of 8 has now completed 40% of her to do list, I have only completed only 17% of it. That is something I need to work towards.

Keep reading, I will keep updating you with new pieces of research that I stumble upon, thank you to family and friends for forwarding articles, quotes, pictures relating to happiness, and keep them coming.

Silent minds

Generally, I love people. I love watching them, talking to them; I love the way that everyone is so different yet still very much the same. What I love most of all is watching children. I am fortunate to have one of my own, and she pretty much is my Guinea Pig for all children. Its not a fair comparison, but I learn a lot from her.

As the years progress, one thing that really strikes me is that children are happy. She sings to herself, plays for hours on her own, and finds delights in the simple things in life.  Here we are looking for our happiness ingredients, but what strikes me is that we probably knew it all along, but somehow we forgot it. Children are happy (unless you have been through some awful trauma, I would say nearly all children are happy).  As the years pass on, I wonder more and more to myself - what makes them so happy?

Among other things, one of the key contributors is how children are unable to retain. Arguments and tiffs seem to just pass right through them. Only yesterday, my daughter and I  had a massive standoff, resulted in her sobbing and locking herself into her room. An hour later, she totally forgot about it. In fact only 10 minutes after the crying stopped singing came from her room. I came in to see how she was, and she was chatty/happy? Did you just forget that I beat you at monopoly? And the tantrum you threw as a result?  Yes, she did. And that is just one of the secrets to her happiness, forgetting.

Its not so easy with us grown ups, we all hold grudges, some for days, some for decades....  These grudges cloud our minds, unable us to think straight, consume our living days. How do you let go?  Apparently the experts say you have to silence your mind. And the way to do that is get out into nature. Just absorb yourself for 5-10 minutes observing a tree, or a bird or something. And apparently you let go. Sceptical me set off at lunchtime in the outer Hebrides of Mill Hill/Totteridge and I did just that, 10  minutes of lying under a tree and looking at the leaves blowing in the wind. Its true, it silences your mind and makes you let go. Give it a go, let me know if I am just talking rubbish!

character happy

There are 24 strengths of character, I'll list them all. Maybe you can identify with all of them to some extent, maybe you can identify with some more strongly than others. But take a good look... your strength of character will reveal alot about yourself...

1. Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence - Noticing and appreciating the beauty around you, whether it be art, nature or mathematics
2. Bravery - Speaking up for what is right, even if you're the only one speaking! Also includes physical bravery
3. Citizenship - Working with the team or community, being loyal to that team or community
4. Creativity - Coming up with new ways to do things, not only artistic
5. Curiosity - Finding everything interesting, love exploring
6. Fairness - Treating everyone the same, trying to overcome personal bias to ensure everyone is treated equally
7. Forgiveness and Mercy - Forgiving those who have done you wrong, giving people a second chance
8. Gratitude - Being aware and thankful for what you have and taking time to express thanks
9. Hope - Working towards the future, and believing that working hard can change it
10. Humour - Liking to laugh and tease, bringing smiles to other people, lightheartedness
11. Integrity - Speaking the truth, presenting yourself in an honest and open way, take responsibility for your actions
12. Judgement - Thinking things through, not jumping to conclusions, able to change your mind in light of evidence
13. Kindness - Doing good deeds for others and helping them. Taking care
14. Leadership - Getting a group together to get things done, organising group activities and make sure they are done
15. Love - Being close to people, value close relationships with others
16. Love of Learning - Mastering new skills, adding to what you know
17. Modesty and Humility - Letting ones accomplishments speak for them self, not wanting to get into the spotlight
18. Persistence - Taking pleasure in completing tasks, finishing what you set off to start
19. Perspective - Being able to provide wise counsel to others
20. Prudence - Being careful about your choices, not taking risks
21. Self Regulation - Controlling emotions, being disciplined
22. Social Intelligence - Being aware of the motives of other people, how to fit into different social situations
23. Spirituality - Have strong feelings about the meaning of life and purpose that shapes conduct and provides comfort
24. Zest - Approaching life with excitement and energy, never doing things half heartedly, feeling activated and alive

I'll be honest, there are several of these characters that I cannot relate to at all, or very little, and others that more strongly resonate with me. Conversely, there are characters that others may see in me and I do not see in myself and vice versa.

So what has this got to do with my happiness project?  There are 2 character strengths that resonate strongly with happiness, hope and zest.  With some character traits, having too much of a character can start to be detrimental, like loving too much starts to become a negative. But not with happiness, you can have oodles of hope and zest and the happiness will just increase.

There are other traits that are more weakly associated with happiness; gratitude, love and curiosity, but its hope and zest that really stand out.

So flipping the coin... are there traits that lead to "less happiness"? Yes there are: Modesty, Creativity, Judgement, Appreciation of Beauty, Love of learning and Prudence.

There are several studies that have lead to these conclusions, so its real.  My philosophy is to focus on the positives, if you want to have more happiness, focus on the hope and zest. And with that, I'm parachuting off a cliff edge, and hoping I won't die.

The Backlash

Its been one month since my last blog.  Not because I have been distracted or lazy. But I faced a backlash. Yes, you heard it right, my happiness project came under scrutiny and criticism and I was confronted and judged on every word written.

Believe it or not, this blog is not connected to any single person or group of persons. I was shocked and horrified to think that people have been reading it and making analogies to themselves. Its not about you. Its based on observations of my life and those around me. Again, its not about you.

So I made a firm decision to end my blog, as it was causing my pain and unhappiness, and hence my silence.  However, it was only after talking to a dear person that I changed my mind. I was asked what happened to my blog, and I described the backlash, then I started to say why it is I got the backlash. And as the words left  my mouth, I realised I could not end the blog.

Why would anyone be so upset about my happiness project? Is it really because they think its all about them? Or is it a general resentment to my happiness project?  And that's when it hit me, its the actual project? Perhaps these individuals are unhappy? They are unable to change their lives? Or to take control of their happiness or destiny? Or maybe that is what they perceive, and that is why the backlash.  Your happiness and your lives are in your hands, there is no such thing as a doomed situation. Don't critise my quest for happiness, you too can do the same.

So the blog is back on. Frankly  my advise is this: if you don't like what I write, don't click on the link