Hard Wired

Yes, we are hard wired. I know that with myself, no matter how hard I try to be positive, when an emotion of disgust, shame, guilt, negativity, stress, anxiety, sadness, anger gets into my head, my head starts spinning. I start imagining scenarios and my thoughts go off in a tangent, the what ifs, the what coulds, the when wills......

I wanted to understand this phenomenon. I am pretty sure now, I am not the only one who experiences it. No matter how great my day has been, one snooty comment from one snooty mum at school and all I seem to focus on is the negative emotion.

Yes, this is a real emotion.  We experience it (yes all of us) because our brains are hard wired that way.  Its the way our brains keep us safe - we focus on the negative or alarming aspects of our lives to prepare ourselves for those scenarios.  So what to do?  Here is the three step solution:

1) Acknowledge to yourself this moment is difficult. This is the monumental point. When you acknowledge your difficulty, things instantly start to feel better.  Scientifically, this acknowledgement down regulates the alarm centre of the brain and calms you down.
2) Investigate the difficulty. Work out if there is anything you need to do to improve it.  Does it need a solution? Do you just need to time to get accustomed to it? Do you need to punch someone?  I wouldn't recommend the later, it could land you in prison!
3) Cast the net. And what else. Did the negative aspect teach you something? Has it made you realise what is going on?  What did you learn from it.

I think it makes sense. For me, the three step process is something I go through naturally, when I saw it written on paper it made sense.  So your anger is normal. Embrace it. Learn from it.

Chasing Happiness

And so my pursuit continues. I purposely chose my bucket list to be as diverse as possible giving me the chance to sample new things that might add some happiness in my life. I was very surprised that my "learn a new musical instrument" one is the one so far that gives me so much happiness. Even when I am feeling down and annoyed, I pick up my instrument and all of a sudden all is forgotten. The morale - try something new and wacky - you never know to which mental state of mind it might take you.

There has been articles this week specifically about the happiness trail and pursuit.  I think I may have eluded to this in a previous blog, but the more you chase happiness, the more it runs away from you.  I read the article. I re-read it. I can't say I totally agree with it....

Chasing happiness. Wanting to be happy. What does that mean? Does that mean I am always happy? Am I not allowed to be sad at all?  If you think this, then the happiness project is doom. Part of being happy is also being sad. After sadness, you know what true happiness is.  If you are looking for the ideal life, then you are up for a disappointment, because life is a journey. And happiness is a journey too.  Chasing happiness means chasing sadness and disappointment too.  The happiness project was never intended so that I am happy ALL the time, its just a means to make me more aware of myself and my own mental state of mind. If you accept this, then go on, chase your happiness rainbow, and don't let those miserable journalists get you down :-)

minding happiness

Take a look at this man:












His name is Chade-Meng Tang. Google employ him as part of the HR team to do only one thing - to make google employees happy.

So he has these lunchtime sessions of mindfulness, relaxation and de-stressing. Google claims hes worth every penny. Not only does he keeps the employees happy, but in turn, that makes them more productive. One of the success stories behind google.

Just like exercise, now being recognised as a key factor in well being, meditation and mindfulness is going down the same track. It still shocks me to think how many employers neglect their staff. Over worked, over bearing, strict deadlines, lack of understanding, constant flurries of change - it takes its toll on the staff, and most employers shrug it off thinking plenty more fish in the sea. But changing and re-training staff is a false economy, its good to get the fresh new staff in, but in many cases, the balance is wrong.

People still laugh at meditation and its importance in well being. So many of my peers are turning to it and a way to detach from situations.  Meditation isn't just sitting cross legged chanting for an hour, its when you clear your mind. It can be done by prayer, cleaning or hard physical labour - we just don't call it  meditation. I haven't gone down the path of mindfulness yet, but I have my private ways to clear my mind and meditate.  Just another sprinkling onto my happiness project