Silent minds

Generally, I love people. I love watching them, talking to them; I love the way that everyone is so different yet still very much the same. What I love most of all is watching children. I am fortunate to have one of my own, and she pretty much is my Guinea Pig for all children. Its not a fair comparison, but I learn a lot from her.

As the years progress, one thing that really strikes me is that children are happy. She sings to herself, plays for hours on her own, and finds delights in the simple things in life.  Here we are looking for our happiness ingredients, but what strikes me is that we probably knew it all along, but somehow we forgot it. Children are happy (unless you have been through some awful trauma, I would say nearly all children are happy).  As the years pass on, I wonder more and more to myself - what makes them so happy?

Among other things, one of the key contributors is how children are unable to retain. Arguments and tiffs seem to just pass right through them. Only yesterday, my daughter and I  had a massive standoff, resulted in her sobbing and locking herself into her room. An hour later, she totally forgot about it. In fact only 10 minutes after the crying stopped singing came from her room. I came in to see how she was, and she was chatty/happy? Did you just forget that I beat you at monopoly? And the tantrum you threw as a result?  Yes, she did. And that is just one of the secrets to her happiness, forgetting.

Its not so easy with us grown ups, we all hold grudges, some for days, some for decades....  These grudges cloud our minds, unable us to think straight, consume our living days. How do you let go?  Apparently the experts say you have to silence your mind. And the way to do that is get out into nature. Just absorb yourself for 5-10 minutes observing a tree, or a bird or something. And apparently you let go. Sceptical me set off at lunchtime in the outer Hebrides of Mill Hill/Totteridge and I did just that, 10  minutes of lying under a tree and looking at the leaves blowing in the wind. Its true, it silences your mind and makes you let go. Give it a go, let me know if I am just talking rubbish!

character happy

There are 24 strengths of character, I'll list them all. Maybe you can identify with all of them to some extent, maybe you can identify with some more strongly than others. But take a good look... your strength of character will reveal alot about yourself...

1. Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence - Noticing and appreciating the beauty around you, whether it be art, nature or mathematics
2. Bravery - Speaking up for what is right, even if you're the only one speaking! Also includes physical bravery
3. Citizenship - Working with the team or community, being loyal to that team or community
4. Creativity - Coming up with new ways to do things, not only artistic
5. Curiosity - Finding everything interesting, love exploring
6. Fairness - Treating everyone the same, trying to overcome personal bias to ensure everyone is treated equally
7. Forgiveness and Mercy - Forgiving those who have done you wrong, giving people a second chance
8. Gratitude - Being aware and thankful for what you have and taking time to express thanks
9. Hope - Working towards the future, and believing that working hard can change it
10. Humour - Liking to laugh and tease, bringing smiles to other people, lightheartedness
11. Integrity - Speaking the truth, presenting yourself in an honest and open way, take responsibility for your actions
12. Judgement - Thinking things through, not jumping to conclusions, able to change your mind in light of evidence
13. Kindness - Doing good deeds for others and helping them. Taking care
14. Leadership - Getting a group together to get things done, organising group activities and make sure they are done
15. Love - Being close to people, value close relationships with others
16. Love of Learning - Mastering new skills, adding to what you know
17. Modesty and Humility - Letting ones accomplishments speak for them self, not wanting to get into the spotlight
18. Persistence - Taking pleasure in completing tasks, finishing what you set off to start
19. Perspective - Being able to provide wise counsel to others
20. Prudence - Being careful about your choices, not taking risks
21. Self Regulation - Controlling emotions, being disciplined
22. Social Intelligence - Being aware of the motives of other people, how to fit into different social situations
23. Spirituality - Have strong feelings about the meaning of life and purpose that shapes conduct and provides comfort
24. Zest - Approaching life with excitement and energy, never doing things half heartedly, feeling activated and alive

I'll be honest, there are several of these characters that I cannot relate to at all, or very little, and others that more strongly resonate with me. Conversely, there are characters that others may see in me and I do not see in myself and vice versa.

So what has this got to do with my happiness project?  There are 2 character strengths that resonate strongly with happiness, hope and zest.  With some character traits, having too much of a character can start to be detrimental, like loving too much starts to become a negative. But not with happiness, you can have oodles of hope and zest and the happiness will just increase.

There are other traits that are more weakly associated with happiness; gratitude, love and curiosity, but its hope and zest that really stand out.

So flipping the coin... are there traits that lead to "less happiness"? Yes there are: Modesty, Creativity, Judgement, Appreciation of Beauty, Love of learning and Prudence.

There are several studies that have lead to these conclusions, so its real.  My philosophy is to focus on the positives, if you want to have more happiness, focus on the hope and zest. And with that, I'm parachuting off a cliff edge, and hoping I won't die.