The Grass is Never Greener

Peculiar. That's the best way to sum up yesterday. Peculiar in many ways, but one phrase uttered to me particularly stuck in my memory.  I was asked a question, is it true that I have it made, always on cloud 9, or am I a really good actress?

Its peculiar as I really didn't know how to answer it. Do I really advertise myself as the perfect being? Is my blog portraying me as the Nigella Lawson of the Internet? I didn't want that to be the case. I have highlighted on here my struggles, my demons and my frustrations. And if anything, I would say perhaps I was more negative than positive. So it makes me think of the later part of the question, am I an actress? Am I a fraud who has fooled you all my readers, into believing that I am the goddess of happiness and bliss?

I sincerely hope not. My life is far from perfect, but maybe the difference between me and others is that I believe I have the power to change things around me, and I am dedicated to changing that. I read my blogs again. I don't think I ever portrayed myself to be a happiness fairy sprinkling happiness dust down your throats. Correct me if I'm wrong. But maybe, we as humans, have the tendency to look at others and think - I want that life.

Something I realised over 15 years ago was that the grass is never greener on the other side. You may think someone is perfect, with lovely children, lots of money, a devoted husband - but we are all real people with real problems, and we don't really know what is going on behind closed doors. Even with our closest friends and families. And I blame social media. Where its actually become a contest - look at this massive bunch of flowers my partner got me for no reason, look at the lovely neighbours I have, they all pitched in a tenner and bought me a Porsche... and we tend to use social media to brag and show to others what we have. Giving the perception that other peoples lives are better than our own.

But over the last 5 years in particular, as my friendship networks deepen, and I mature more. And I begin to see through the roses - I realise that even the most perfect people have problems far bigger than mine. And this is part of the epiphany needed to bring inner peace and happiness, stop looking at others with envy. Really, if we all had our problems in a heap, you'd take your own back any day.

hardwiring happiness

My happiness pursuit has been struggling of late. I need to get back on top of my ultimate to do list as I haven't made much progress there, so that is a task I have set myself for the upcoming weekend. My positive thinking has been shaken a little of late, but still the epiphany is firmly in place - you have the power to change yourself, so to change your circumstance.

But with this notion, I have realised that there is one large obstacle in all this - habits. We are all hardwired to do the same mundane tasks over and over again - most of us without thinking about them. If I think of myself - wake up, check phone; thinking hard - bite my nails; religiously clean the sink after washing up... Actually, when sitting down and actually thinking hard what your habits are - its hard to actually remember what they are.  I do think its the habits we hold that prevent us reaching happiness... but only if you realise what they are.

So to give myself some inspiration, I turned to my good old friend google and wanted to see what other peoples habits are so I can identify my own. Chocolate, salt, binging - for me all conquered. Spending money, facebook and the gym - irrelevant. No help what so ever, but I did find a lovely website of the 20 habits of happy people, and I thought perfect for my blog. Here it goes - if you want to be happy, follow these 20 habits:
1) Give to others
2) Nurture important relationships
3) love yourself
4) make a difference - do not make yourself popular
5) learn to say no
6) count your blessings - even when times are tough (it could be worse)
7) cultivate optimism
8)  be a humble life long learner
9) find ways to cope when times get tough
10) rejection is a protection from whats not meant to be
11) don't get embroiled in others pettiness
12) focus on the present
13) follow your dreams
14) prioritise - and stick to whats important
15) struggle - because it makes you stronger
16) take care of your physical health
17) spend money on experiences not material items
18) savour all your little joys
19) accept changes outside your control - some things are not meant to last
20) live the life you want to live

Upon reading that, I thought hey, I'm not doing so bad, I probably have touched on most of these topics in my blogs.  Instead of focussing on all your bad habits and trying to improve those, why not focus on your good habits and make sure you are living them everyday?